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CAUSE OF HURRICANE ISABEL ESTABLISHED
HURRICANE CAUSE CONFIRMED By: G.Marnier - SatireNewsService After lengthy scientific analysis of hurricane "Isabel" which slammed into the middle Atlantic states in mid September, meteorologists have now determined that the storm's tracking into Washington was due to the return of Congress on September 1. Off the record, a scientist with the Hurricane Center told SNS: "When Kerry, Kennedy, Pelosi, Daschle, Gephart and Byrd - to name but a few - open their mouths, it precipitates a vacuum that affects the isobar formations and causes weather fronts to move in the direction of the source of the suction. That phenomena, combined with the intellectually de-galvanizing negativity of the media's unrelenting support of Democratic candidates for the '04 presidential elections and their combined attacks on the Bush administration, predictably reached catastrophic proportions and had a direct causal relationship to the power outages which lasted for over two weeks and affected over 2 million users ." He added that the reason the storm dropped from a category 5 out in the Caribbean to a category 2 before it hit the city was due to the stabilizing counter pressure from the White House at the other end of the National Mall. Although hospitals and some essential facilities were able to operate on generators, businesses were shut down, homes were blacked out, water supplies were affected and families had to improvise as best they could. With most phone service continuing to operate, SNS received a call from a young mother whose husband is serving in Iraq. Undaunted by the climatological event, she said: "Think of it as a blessing in disguise. I'm able to make do with what we have. I don't have to listen to any anti-American, pro-Saddam news spinning on the TV. No updates on J-Lo and Ben. No Al Franken. Thank you, God...and take that ACLU. I said God's name while using a public utility." With the return of electric power, she forwarded a testament to her resourcefulness. 
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